1993 Snow Storm

I was naïve when we first got married. All I wanted was to marry this man that I loved, work to make each other happy, have kids, and live happily ever after. I did not think that husbands and wife argue just for the sake of arguing and disagreeing. I knew we would argue and have occasional fights to resolve a disagreement but always thought that the end result was to benefit the marriage and the family.

That is not the case with my husband. He fights just to fight and he argues just to argue. It does not matter if I agreed with him or not, he will change his opinions just to argue and escalate the argument into a fight.

In 1993, we were sort of new to Atlanta, and I, being dumb and naïve, did not pay attention to these terrible characters trades in my husband. When the snow storm happened, I was happy that we were going to be together for a couple of days, drinking hot chocolates, and watching old movies on TBS. I was hoping for us to get closer, cook together, laugh together, and just be together. What I did not know was that my husband simply cannot have a normal conversation. Every conversation he enters must end either by him talking by himself to the point where everyone around him have moved on mentally to something completely different, or if the conversation is with someone close to him like his brother, sisters, mother, or myself, then it must escalate to a huge fight.

On that particular day, I woke up in the morning, got ready and went downstairs to the kitchen, cooked he favorite breakfast food. we had good conversation and then he went to the living room. I finished cleaning up and went after him and sat there watching whatever he was watching. After an hour or tow, I told him I was going to exercise on my stationary bike. That’s when he couldn’t help himself and started telling me that all this exercise means nothing, it has no effect on me, etc etc.

Surely I did not like what I heard so I was trying to tell him that any exercise is better than non at all. I was talking to him in a way to hopefully win approval to do my exercise, and he was knocking it down. He wanted me to just say you are right and I will not exercise every again, but I was not saying this because I did want to exercise whether it was for weight loss or not. That’s when he started raging in his usual way, I was not very used to it at that time and did not know how to avoid it, and started with his loud voice and angry movements that scared me to death. It left me wounded not knowing where this rage came from and why. It left me crying not able or scared to exercise when he is around. I was at a disbelief at what was happening.

After that I was afraid to talk to him and he was angry with me and acted very angry the whole time we were stuck at home. I remember those three days being alone, afraid to go to any room he was in, eating leftovers, and spending a lot of time in the spare room. The things I remember from that snow storm that it was during the time of our marriage when we were trying to have kids. Every once in a while someone on tv would mention there because of the snow storm, there will be a lot of babies born nine months from now and I was sitting there alone feeling awful because I said I was going to exercise.

He didn’t want me to go home for a weekend when I was working in Florida

In 2004, I got a temporary position working in Florida. The job paid for everything, housing, car, and per diem. All of which, along with my salary, of course went in the account that my husband was in control of. I was alone in Florida working and after few weeks I wanted to come home for a long weekend. As soon as I mentioned it to my husband he asked if work was going to pay for it and when I said no, he went into another one of his loud voices fights to tell me that I cannot come home on my dollar. The company should be paying for it. I told him they were not paying for the trip and I want to go home, I missed him and missed our son. Nothing I said was going to change his mind, any penny he pays, is like amputating a major organ of his body.

This was a very important trip for me, our son was young and I needed to come home. I did what I always used to do which thinking back at it, he knew exactly what he was pushing me to do, which was charge the trip on my card and then beg other family members for money to make minimum payments. This process always gave him a win. He didn’t have to pay, he won the fight, he got to yell and scream, and he didn’t care one bit if I got to see him or our son. This formula wins all the time.

To add to his pleasure, when I did get home, there is nothing I could say that would satisfy him. Our conversations would consist of “Why did you come?” ” Missed home, missed you and our son”. “Well we don’t have money and you’re wasting money by coming here, we could talk to you on the phone”. “How did you pay for the ticket?” “Charged it” “We don’t have the money, I don’t know hoe you’re going to pay for it now or later, we just do not have the money”. I knew we had the money but there was no way for me to prove it since he controlled it. When we’re making over $200,000.00 a year, and live in a very modest home, and don’t spend money on hardly anything, we should have money for gas to go to work, $10 drs. copayments, and a $49 roundtrip plane ticket to come home see my family for a long weekend.

Hi objections is driven from his insensitivity and carelessness about me. He does not care if I see our son or not, he actually would love to drive a wedge between us. He hates me and wants everyone else to do the same.

Dinner Parties

Because my husband cannot believe that he is a source of any negativity in the world, he always reflects that negativity on me.  At the Beginning of on marriage, I used to give him a list of groceries I need for dinner, and for years afterward, when we invited company for dinner, I would give him a list of grocery items and ask him to get from the local grocery store. He would take that list and leave the house on the morning of our dinner party and would not come back with the groceries until its almost time for the company to arrive. At that time. I had no way of contacting him, no texts or cell phones. I just wait to use the ingredients for the meal I’m preparing and not get them until few minutes before our guests arrive. If I ask him “where have you been” I get the yelling and screaming usual Answer. this answer used to hit me like a brick wall, I’d be tired from working all day, worried that something bad happed to him, and then get hit with this type of answer. Most of the time, I’d cry and cry and cry some more. I got used to telling our guests that I had eye allergies from chopping onions. 

He did something else when we had company. Again, this wasn’t at all something I knew so it shocked me for a very Long time before I started avoiding it and calling him on it. He would wait for our guests to leave and while I’m still clearing up and putting things away, the ‘d come in the room I am working in and start telling me all the wrongs I committed during our dinner party. For example:” why did you say you cooked the Rice, when I had told them earlier when you were not in the room, that I cooked the Rice?’ If I say why did you lie? he’d start yelling at me by saying “I never lie, how dare you say I lie?” “But I cooked the Rice! I would reply. “Yes, but you should’ve just changed the subject” and he’d keep going like this for no reason at all just to pick and pick any if he hears any reply from me, regardless of what it is, he’ll start the screening episodes.  This wasn’t a once in a while thing, it happened every time we had company. After a while, I reduced the number of time I agreed to have company. then, I started to tell him he does this to get his attention to it and hope it’ll change, but eventually I stopped having any company over. After all, I worked, I prepared, I cooked, I cleaned, I did everything, and the end result is me being called names, and get yelled at and cry. I did not know these are personalities traits of an abusive person. At the beginning, I believed him what he said about me, then I just hated having people over because it reminded me of awful feelings, then I realized he’s just doing this at the times when I am the weakest to show strength and domination.

Every once in a while, random people from our inner circle would say to use me. “Your husband is jealous of you” I would completely dismiss it because there is no reason for him to be jealous of me.  He is a very handsome man, very smart, very presentable, and can do more than most people ca. He has accomplished a lot in his life, makes excellent salary and has been able to purchase may businesses and make good money from each and every business he’s been in. For me, things like cooking, preparing a good dinner party, etc. is not a reason to be jealous. Especially if the one doing it is your spouse. Aren’t we suppose to complete each other? I don’t need to be good in the things he’s good at, I just need to be good at the items that I’m good at, and vice versa.

 More than 25 years into our marriage, I heard my cousin’s husband once tell mine ”Your wife is one of the Best cooks around, but I never hear you say anything good about her cooking. Even when we compliment her about her Cooking, you reply by saying you cooked it all, but we all know that she did”. I was so happy to hear that I got a real nice compliment and my husband got lectured to compliment me on my cooking. In our private life, every time I make dinner and ask him how’s dinner? he’d pause, say it was so-so, and then tell me how unimportant food is to him. He then would how he wishes they’ be made a pill he could take to act as a meal instead of actually eating a meal. He would never offer a compliment and if I ask he’ll give me this answer to shut me up. of course, this too, made me stop asking, and later stop, cooking all together.

Stupid Does, Stupid Is!

when my son was 4 Years old, one of my husband’s cousins who lives in Canada asked if my son would be the Ringbearer at her wedding. We were thrilled and told her It’ll be our pleasure. we began to make plans to go to the wedding. My mother in law who lived in California was going to the wedding too. before we finalized our plans. My husband asked if we can all, him, me, our son, and his mom, would stay in one hotel room. I was shocked to hear his request and said “no”. there was no way that I would stay in one room with my husband and mother in law. My husband’s request wasn’t because we didn’t have the money, it was purely out of thriftiness. He is so tight with money that he’s willing to go that low to save a one night on two nights stay at the most at a simple hotel in Canada. He seemed to agree with me on that subject but before Long, I started hearing from him that our business is in trouble and some employees are planning to walk out but he doesn’t know when. He Later told me that He is going to cancel our Canada trip because he needs to stay and monitor our business. He was almost sure the planned walkout was going to happen the same weekend we had planned to be in Canada. I, being the stupid, & good wife, offered to stay in town and monitor this “supposed” troubled situation at our business, so he and our son can go enjoy the wedding. Even though I wasn’t going to be there to see my son be the ringbearer, at least I let my husband enjoy watching him and be there with him. He resisted at first but because I kept insisting, he gave in and went with my son, met his mom there, stayed in one bedroom, enjoyed the wedding and while I stayed behind to be at the business that was trouble free and went on without a Hitch. incident

Now Looking back at this! and many other events like this, I know I was deceived by him. He wanted a Less costly trip, wanted to stay in one room with his mom, played me like the fool  that I am, and I gave the whole thing to him on a silver platter. It doesn’t matter to him one bit if I see my son being a ringbearer at the age of 4 at a cousin’s wedding. Everything to him is how he can benefit, push me away, and get attention.

Doing all this was no big deal to my husband, it wasn’t, in his mind, a good gesture that he needed to thank me for. I didn’t even get a picture of my son at the wedding, when he came home, and I asked how everything went, he started complaining about everything and how he wished he never went and how the whole thing was just a waste of money.

As for the Business in question, and I’m just demonstrating here the extent of my stupidity, My husband only watched that business on the weekends. He had another job that kept him traveling the rest of the week, he only was there a couple of hours on Saturdays and not even that long on Sundays. He had managers who took care of the place all the time. That whole story that he cooked up and I ate with all my being, was just a mean spirited plot that shows how awful he is, and stupid, I am.

He wasn’t his Parent’s Favorite Child

When we were first married, he used to make me feel sorry for him, he’d say that when he was growing us his parents had favorites and did not give him a chance to speak his mind or chose a vacation or sit by the driver in the car, etc. etc. One of the items he repeated to me as an example of his parent’s discrimination against him was never allowing him to choose a place to go for an afternoon or a weekend. I felt very bad for him and wanted to make sure he got that wish the next time we went out. The following weekend we were wondering where to go for a day, so I asked him where he wanted to go, he said “I don’t care, where do you want to go?” I Said.” I really don’t care, but let’s go where you wait to go to start anew, no more you don’t get your wish, your new family would grant you all your wishes” he looked at me for a short pause, he stared and then said in a stern voice “No don’t give me that attitude, You say this now, and then for the rest of my life every time we do something, you’ll throw that in my face, He started to act like he’s imitating me and said “Remember when you got your wish that one time?! ”talking like as though me talking back at him.

I just stood there for a while, didn’t Know how to reply to what he was saying, I’ve never encountered someone in all my life who’d take a nice gesture like this from his newly married wife and throw it in her face like I had insulted him. Needless to say, we didn’t go anywhere that weekend I just spent most of it crying alone.

Intelligence is a relative Term

On April 2,2008, I did not want to disappoint my son, but I wanted to See what my husband wants to do. Since by that time in our marriage. I did not trust his motives and I knew he always has his own agenda for doing anything he does. It just so happened that he needs me to prepare my invoice to the company I was subcontracting services to and I’m sure he wants to talk to me long enough to get me to agree to do this before he comes up with the next rage to push me away and mark me cry again.

I don’t trust him with money at all, He had stripped me from every penny I have including my retirement money. He made me pull it out of my retirement account, pay the penalties, and took the money supposedly to invest and I never saw it again. If I ask, I’ll get yelled at. He just wants and wants and wants and if he doesn’t get it, he’ll be a raging Monster. All these years, I just fed the Monster.

 Another thing he always did when he starts raging, was to tell me how many people tried to stop him from marrying me. He’d say ” I should’ve listened to my mom when she told me how awful you are” or “God, why didn’t I listen to your cousin who said you’re a handful”. He not only told me how much he hates me, but how many others did too. I resented all these people even if I knew he was lying to me. I 1 kept away from many people who were very close to me before I got married.

 I knew the day my son thought he scored a victory of peacemaking between his dad & I, that my husband was just playing a game. By then, I’ve Learned a lot of his behavior patterns. I also knew he’ll pretend to hear me out and be quiet because our son will be in the room witnessing everything, and by the end he’ll agree with me, maybe throws an ”I’m sorry” in there and immediately follow it up with, can you prepare the subcontracting invoice right away? we have no money to pay the bills and we need it'”

 I’m not one who can strategize and plan how to get someone to agree with me. I’m very direct and always say what I mean and put all my cards on the table especially when the conversation is with my family. Even if someone is capable of bluffing or convincing others to give in during negotiations. I don’t believe these types of maneuvers should be part of family discussions.  I do believe If everyone has the other person’s best interest at heart, then just being open, honest, and direct should be enough to resolve all issues. Unfortunately, my husband has misled me for 19 years now, and no matter what I try to do to prove to him my love, honesty, and caring about our family, he has not reciprocated in kind. As a matter of fact, he is so stubborn he takes everything I say, every gesture I make as a challenge to contradict. He has lived for 19 years with me and knows, in his mind, that I am dumber that than a rock, so learning anything from me is just a very backward step and an insult to his intelligence. Sure, in his mind again, being intelligent means, taking advantage of your wife. keeping her controlled and stepped on all the time and make her do what you want all the time. So, being smart and intelligent has worked for him for 19 years, and since he only cares about himself and himself only, why should he change? the Hell with the Family!!

Very Passive, and Even More Aggressive

I did not have the heart to tell my son on April 2, 2008 that his dad had made gestures like this in the past more than 1000’s times. He had suggested many times to do something as a family together whether for one afternoon or a whole weekend. Unfortunately, he never delivers. I did not want to be the bearer of bad news to my son, while he’s trying to make my day, and say let’s see if we go any place this weekend. My husband believes what he says even if he knows he’s lying. He would say,” Let’s go to the mall “for example. If we say “yes let’s go” he will delay and cone up with things he must do before we Leave and keeps doing this until it’s too Late to go anywhere. He applies this to everything; hell say let’s go out of town and we get ready and then not go,

he’ll say don’t make plans because I’m coming home early so we can watch a movie together and then not come home, and it’s always in a passive silent way where he would not do what he wants us to do. 

Very This is not a once in a while occurrence, this is an all the time habit of his. when I say all the time, I do mean. all the time. the common scene in our home, we are ready to do something he’d promised us to do, and he is sitting in his office trying to finish something he cannot get out of, we wait until it’s too Late to do what we were supposed to do. 

Before we played the waiting game, I used to try to peek in his office door and ask how much longer he has before we can go? If I did this once or twice, he would turn into the Yelling Monster, he would start cussing and yelling and would not stop. I guess this behavior on his part trained me to just stay put and wait. Either way, we don’t end up going anywhere but at least waiting and not going without being yelled at, insulted, and eventually crying, is a better option for me. This is yet another controlling tool he used in order to put me down and to feel better about himself.

Another trait my husband has, is when he tells us let’s do something, in his mind, he’s done it, so he is satisfied that whatever he suggested whether being a trip, a purchase, or anything else, it’s already taken place in his mind, so he doesn’t actually huge to do the act.

Over the years, he’s purchased cars for me and my son, taken us to many places, cooked many meals for us, and cleaned the house aid done yardwork, all in his mind, the actual times we did any travels, I initiated and talked about in public where it left him no option other that than to deliver.

4/2/08 – Began to Open up to People

Yesterday, I went to My cousin’s house. her and her husband have been close to us and her husband has been close to my husband. I opened up and told them about my husband. they were shocked to hear about my husband behaviors and how he’s been treating me. my cousin is husband kept saying this is so unbelievable. He said my husband does not exhibit any of these behaviors in public and he is very disappointed in him. He told me he’s always considered my husband as his by auger brother and now he is very unhappy with his behaviors. the love of money f. on my husband’s poet and how he wants to control me & is not what he expected from my husband.

Last week when my son and I were talking about this subject and how my husband treats me, my son told me may be dad is this way because his parents treated him this way I told my son that I only blame myself for how his dad treats me. I tried to Live and lead by example, so I turned the other cheek, figuratively, every time he slapped me on one. He got in the hobbit of slapping me and I turn the other cheek. He slaps and I forgive, turn and give the other cheek.

Him being bad to the core person helped him take advantage of me and get more control, yet never stop to see what he was doing to our relationship and our lives. Now when I have decided that I could not go on any more like this, he is simply stunned. He cannot admit to himself that he’s done anything wrong. Since he is incapable of smoothing things up and talk about the problems that got us to this point. This last fight happened the day after his Mon Left which was on March 6th. today is April 2nd and he has not bothered to lift a finger to help the situation. Easter came and left out he is quiet. making no effort to talk to me.

When I left my cousin’s house last night, my son called me to say that his dad had talked to him and told him that he wants us to go out of town for the weekend. My son also told me that he thinks his dad wants to work on this problem and he’s willing to talk, or more accurately, to listen, my son said “I told dad that means that you allow mom to talk and you talk with me in the room, too ok? and dad said yes”

It Broke My heart that my son was Calling me to deliver “Good News”.  He wanted to make me happy by telling me that his dad is willing to talk oral discuss the problem. All I could do to stop from crying now white writing this and especially last night when I felt his anguish and was elated to deliver this news to me.

I wasn’t loved from day one

I met my husband at a wedding. The wedding was a long distance wedding for both of us. I thought he was charming, handsome and nice during the pre-wedding and wedding events. After I went back to my home at the time, he called several times, and visited me few times and I enjoyed my time with him and truly felt that he was the one.

On one of his visits, he proposed and I said yes, was very happy and was truly on cloud nine.  When we planned our living arrangements, I transferred with my job to his state, he knew where my office was going to be located, and he was going to get us an apartment with a location convenient to both of us. I, being the naïve and stupid that I was, and believe I still am, didn’t check on anything. I just got movers to move my furniture to the place the love of my life has chosen for us to start our lives together.  When I went to visit before the wedding, the apartment was not ready, so I stayed with his family.

After the wedding, we moved to our new apartment, and the day after we arrived, I drove 90 minutes to get to my job.  His office was 10 minutes from our new apartment.  so for the next year and a half, I had three hours a day drive to go to work and back, while he had a total of 20 minutes.  My work started at 7 am so I had to leave every day at 5:30 am, while his work started at 9 so he didn’t have to leave before 8:45 am.

From the beginning of our marriage, my husband complained a lot about money and how little of it we have.  When we got married in 1989, making over $100,000  was considered a lot of money and other than the rent and utilities, we did not have any other expenses. But there was a constant tone from him about how little money we have and how he wished we made more.  The way he talked and I believed everything he said, made me forget reality. Reality that we are fine financially, and that we received a wedding gift from my family $100,000 just a couple of months ago that we have not used but we’re actually adding to it. We weren’t poor like he was making me feel, in fact, we were wealthy in the normal standard of living.

His passive aggressive nags pushed me, at that time, to get a second afternoon job at a local department store so I can earn money to use for our daily living. I was brainwashed that we were so poor, that I needed to get this second job to save our lives. Thinking about that time of my life, I truly hate myself for falling pry to this giant con-artist.  I drive 3 hours each day to go to work, I leave at 5:30 am, I do all the cleaning, cooking, ironing, and other house chores. He spends less than 30 minutes in the car each day, rests more than me, does not do anything around the house except complain about how I do things, he keeps all the money we both make, and I then go get a second job to please him.

Most of the times when I hear someone had some all the stupid things I’ve done, I want to say the common thing that everyone tents to say in these situations “She brought this to herself”, and as true as that is, I was to tell myself, if I had married the right person, all the work I had put into this marriage, would’ve been well worth it. When 2 people marry for the right reasons, even if one works harder than the other, the communications, understandings, and love for one another makes life worth it, and the future worth looking forward to.

I know that if I leave the control in my husband’s hands, when we retire, he will live in a mansion, and leave me in a homeless shelter. He never had any use for me other that what I can do for him. today, 30 years later, he is worse that before, more obvious about his goals in life, and more hateful toward me.

March 9, 2008 Took my salary…And Kept it

When we first got married, January 1989, my husband talked about how we need to save for our future. He suggested we get direct deposits from our work and have both our salaries into one account and live of one salary. He said that way we can save money to start or invest in future businesses. At the time, I was so in love with him so it did not matter what he was going to say, I was in full support.  He also told me that in order not to complicate matters of the check writing, one of us should be dedicated to doing so, and since I have so many chores to do, he’ll take this task. I was beaming with happiness for our shared chores in our new family. I just wanted to please him and do whatever I can to help us get to the next step in our lives.

10 years later, he opened an account with both of our names and for the firs time, my signature was on the account. I asked for this because over time, we’ve had many unpaid utility bills and which left us without water or electricity while he is out of town and cannot pay the same day to get our utility back up.  Non of this lack of payments were due to lack of funds, this was strictly lack of willingness to part with the money, carelessness toward his family’s wellbeing, and his typical selfish behavior.  In February of 2008, I told him that I needed 2 checks; one for $400 for a car service, and the other for $450 for dental crown work. I also asked him for few more check just in case but assured him that I will let him know if I needed to write any of them. I ended up writing one for $24 for after school stays for my son, and another for $78 for Dr. fees for the dental crown work.

On the morning of March 9, 2008, I could feel that he is going to throw one of his temper tantrums.  There is nothing that I could do to avoid these tantrums. Any word or move on my part can fuel his temper and he will erupts to the big scale of screaming and yelling.  I woke up at 5:30 am and went downstairs to do my workout on the treadmill. Even though he did not acknowledge my presence, I kept going because that wasn’t unusual for him, but I did not know what’s making him act like this.  When his rage starts to build, All I could do is avoid him all together to save myself.  It feels like you are just barely outside a cage of a raging wild animal who’s doing everything possible to brake the locks of the cage and come after your flesh and you know you’re not fast enough to run away and you’re so scared your feet get stiff.   I’ve had so many bad feeling and vibes coming at me from him that it became the usual attitude.

When I finished my exercise,  I ironed my son’s school shirt and went to his room to put his clothes on his bed before I took a shower.  As I walked into our room, my husband was standing in the middle of our room and began his tantrum. He started with he cannot do this anymore, I am spending money we do not have, and I am driving the family to bankruptcy.  I kept quiet to find out what was the crime I’ve committed, he then told me that I have written 2 checks one for $400 and the other for $450.  I told him that I did tell him about these two checks and he was ok with me writing them, he said just because I told him does not mean I can. He then asked me about the other 2; the one for $24 and the one for $78. I was so scared that words would not come out of my mouth.  I started saying A..A.. A.. and before anything came out of my mouth, he started making fun of me and repeating A.. A.. A.. in a mocking voice. At this point, I just stood there while his voice got louder and louder, his was condescending, demeaning and  just yelling as loud and as rude as can. While raging he said something about my attitude, I then turned to him and said “look at yourself and listen to what you’re saying, then tell me who’s the one with the attitude”. He then told me that if I wrote one more check, he’s going to close the account. Here he is yelling a screaming because I wrote less than $1000 of checks during a time we were making more that $300,000.00 and in one month, he’s threatening to close the account. I told him, “Fine, go ahead and close the account, don’t wait, close it now”. I went to the bathroom, took a shower and get my son ready, had breakfast, and left for school and work.

While in the car, my son asked what was going on that made his dad so loud again.  As soon as he said that I broke down and started to cry. I told my son why his dad was yelling at me for paying for my car to be fixed, my dentist, and the other two smaller checks. My son said to me ” So mom, if he knew about the large 2 checks, the he’s only fighting with you over $102, right?” I said, “yes, this whole rage is over the $102. But even if it was one dollar, he was going to rage like this regardless”  I kept crying and telling my son that I did not know if I could handle it anymore, I kept apologizing for not being the strong mom he should have and deserve. My sweet son kept trying to make me feel better by telling me that I was strong. I then told him before he was born, when his dad was so abusive to me, I prayed to have a baby and asked God to please bless me with a baby. I was so naïve and stupid thinking he would pay attention to the baby and raising him that he won’t worry about the insignificant things in life, that these bad behaviors would seem so unnecessary. Now I know that I was living in never never land when I was thinking he’d change one day.  A bad person is a bad person regardless of life’s circumstances.  My husband is a very bad person no matter how good God has been to him.

I told my son on the morning of March 9 while driving to school that when I had him, I was so happy and thankful to God for answering my prayers and gave me the perfect child, but now I question if I/m doing the right thing by staying in this abusive relationship.  Am I serving and giving him the best life by allowing him to witness his mother being so weak? I am so broken now that his dad keeps walking all over me and that is just not good for him to witness and grow up in this environment where he sees him mother being treated so badly.  My so told me that I wasn’t weak at all, I just take all this because I don’t want him to grow up in a broken home.  He too began to cry while was uttering these words to make me feel better. I told him that I’m not sure anymore if I’m doing his justice by being him mom and being so down and depressed like this. He deserves a mom who can help him grow to reach his highest potentials, be happy and risk taker.

I stopped the car, got out of the car, went to the back seat and sat next to my son, gave him a huge and long and kept apologizing for sharing this with him, but mostly, I thanked him and thanked him and thanked him for being the wise guy and the glue in the family.  I tried very hard to make sure he forget about our talk and to go to school and h=be busy with his friend and forget about this whole subject.  He assured me he wasn’t going to pay attention to this and was going to have fun with his friends in school.

Even though I went to work and got busy with that part of my life, I could not forgive myself for allowing me to share this with my son the way I did.

My husband, on the other hand, felt he was in the right doing what he did and did not feel bad for his behavior on that day or any other day for that matter at all.