On April 2,2008, I did not want to disappoint my son, but I wanted to See what my husband wants to do. Since by that time in our marriage. I did not trust his motives and I knew he always has his own agenda for doing anything he does. It just so happened that he needs me to prepare my invoice to the company I was subcontracting services to and I’m sure he wants to talk to me long enough to get me to agree to do this before he comes up with the next rage to push me away and mark me cry again.

I don’t trust him with money at all, He had stripped me from every penny I have including my retirement money. He made me pull it out of my retirement account, pay the penalties, and took the money supposedly to invest and I never saw it again. If I ask, I’ll get yelled at. He just wants and wants and wants and if he doesn’t get it, he’ll be a raging Monster. All these years, I just fed the Monster.

 Another thing he always did when he starts raging, was to tell me how many people tried to stop him from marrying me. He’d say ” I should’ve listened to my mom when she told me how awful you are” or “God, why didn’t I listen to your cousin who said you’re a handful”. He not only told me how much he hates me, but how many others did too. I resented all these people even if I knew he was lying to me. I 1 kept away from many people who were very close to me before I got married.

 I knew the day my son thought he scored a victory of peacemaking between his dad & I, that my husband was just playing a game. By then, I’ve Learned a lot of his behavior patterns. I also knew he’ll pretend to hear me out and be quiet because our son will be in the room witnessing everything, and by the end he’ll agree with me, maybe throws an ”I’m sorry” in there and immediately follow it up with, can you prepare the subcontracting invoice right away? we have no money to pay the bills and we need it'”

 I’m not one who can strategize and plan how to get someone to agree with me. I’m very direct and always say what I mean and put all my cards on the table especially when the conversation is with my family. Even if someone is capable of bluffing or convincing others to give in during negotiations. I don’t believe these types of maneuvers should be part of family discussions.  I do believe If everyone has the other person’s best interest at heart, then just being open, honest, and direct should be enough to resolve all issues. Unfortunately, my husband has misled me for 19 years now, and no matter what I try to do to prove to him my love, honesty, and caring about our family, he has not reciprocated in kind. As a matter of fact, he is so stubborn he takes everything I say, every gesture I make as a challenge to contradict. He has lived for 19 years with me and knows, in his mind, that I am dumber that than a rock, so learning anything from me is just a very backward step and an insult to his intelligence. Sure, in his mind again, being intelligent means, taking advantage of your wife. keeping her controlled and stepped on all the time and make her do what you want all the time. So, being smart and intelligent has worked for him for 19 years, and since he only cares about himself and himself only, why should he change? the Hell with the Family!!