I did not have the heart to tell my son on April 2, 2008 that his dad had made gestures like this in the past more than 1000’s times. He had suggested many times to do something as a family together whether for one afternoon or a whole weekend. Unfortunately, he never delivers. I did not want to be the bearer of bad news to my son, while he’s trying to make my day, and say let’s see if we go any place this weekend. My husband believes what he says even if he knows he’s lying. He would say,” Let’s go to the mall “for example. If we say “yes let’s go” he will delay and cone up with things he must do before we Leave and keeps doing this until it’s too Late to go anywhere. He applies this to everything; hell say let’s go out of town and we get ready and then not go,
he’ll say don’t make plans because I’m coming home early so we can watch a movie together and then not come home, and it’s always in a passive silent way where he would not do what he wants us to do.
Very This is not a once in a while occurrence, this is an all the time habit of his. when I say all the time, I do mean. all the time. the common scene in our home, we are ready to do something he’d promised us to do, and he is sitting in his office trying to finish something he cannot get out of, we wait until it’s too Late to do what we were supposed to do.
Before we played the waiting game, I used to try to peek in his office door and ask how much longer he has before we can go? If I did this once or twice, he would turn into the Yelling Monster, he would start cussing and yelling and would not stop. I guess this behavior on his part trained me to just stay put and wait. Either way, we don’t end up going anywhere but at least waiting and not going without being yelled at, insulted, and eventually crying, is a better option for me. This is yet another controlling tool he used in order to put me down and to feel better about himself.
Another trait my husband has, is when he tells us let’s do something, in his mind, he’s done it, so he is satisfied that whatever he suggested whether being a trip, a purchase, or anything else, it’s already taken place in his mind, so he doesn’t actually huge to do the act.
Over the years, he’s purchased cars for me and my son, taken us to many places, cooked many meals for us, and cleaned the house aid done yardwork, all in his mind, the actual times we did any travels, I initiated and talked about in public where it left him no option other that than to deliver.