In 2004, I got a temporary position working in Florida. The job paid for everything, housing, car, and per diem. All of which, along with my salary, of course went in the account that my husband was in control of. I was alone in Florida working and after few weeks I wanted to come home for a long weekend. As soon as I mentioned it to my husband he asked if work was going to pay for it and when I said no, he went into another one of his loud voices fights to tell me that I cannot come home on my dollar. The company should be paying for it. I told him they were not paying for the trip and I want to go home, I missed him and missed our son. Nothing I said was going to change his mind, any penny he pays, is like amputating a major organ of his body.
This was a very important trip for me, our son was young and I needed to come home. I did what I always used to do which thinking back at it, he knew exactly what he was pushing me to do, which was charge the trip on my card and then beg other family members for money to make minimum payments. This process always gave him a win. He didn’t have to pay, he won the fight, he got to yell and scream, and he didn’t care one bit if I got to see him or our son. This formula wins all the time.
To add to his pleasure, when I did get home, there is nothing I could say that would satisfy him. Our conversations would consist of “Why did you come?” ” Missed home, missed you and our son”. “Well we don’t have money and you’re wasting money by coming here, we could talk to you on the phone”. “How did you pay for the ticket?” “Charged it” “We don’t have the money, I don’t know hoe you’re going to pay for it now or later, we just do not have the money”. I knew we had the money but there was no way for me to prove it since he controlled it. When we’re making over $200,000.00 a year, and live in a very modest home, and don’t spend money on hardly anything, we should have money for gas to go to work, $10 drs. copayments, and a $49 roundtrip plane ticket to come home see my family for a long weekend.
Hi objections is driven from his insensitivity and carelessness about me. He does not care if I see our son or not, he actually would love to drive a wedge between us. He hates me and wants everyone else to do the same.