When I married my husband, I married him because I loved him and saw a great future together with him. He, on the other hand, married me because I belonged to a well to do family, was a working professional, and doubled his salary the day we wed. He lied to marry me and I believed his lies.

I married him and believed everything he said. I believed giving him control of the finances was for a better future together. I trusted he is the sole signature authority of our checking and saving accounts. I didn’t care if I did not know the whereabouts of anything related to our accounts, safety deposit box, or important documents. He did everything he could to make it all sound like it is for a better tomorrow for both of us and ate all that up.

Over time, I realized that the only person he wanted to live better was him and only him. If he wanted both of us to live well, he would’ve giving me the needed money for basic necessaries like Dr, co-pays, and gas money. He wouldn’t allow the power or water to be turned off when he was out of town and me and our son are at home, or he wouldn’t yell and scream every time I ask him if he has paid our son’e school tuition.

The man a married had a plan, which was to take every penny I made and hide it. He took all my possessions even my jewelry that I owned before we got married and hid it from me. His plan was to make money and get rich and then throw me to the dogs if needs me. Over the years, he became more and more possessive, controlling and very aggressive if the subject of money every came up. He complained when he paid our taxes until he separated our taxes, and he started complaining because he was paying for my health insurance. He complained about my insurance to everyone one he could complain to. No other person who makes more that $200,000 per year brings this subject up and whine to people that he pays for his wife’s insurance except my husband. His plan was to make money off of me, and as long he he was making money off of he was okay. As soon as I stopped paying him my salary, he began the plan to kick me off his insurance. I knew he wanted to kick me out of the insurance as soon as he turned 65 and get medicare. After all these years, I knew who he was and knew what he was up to.

Few years ago during a summer break, we went to England to because my dad’s childhood friend was turning 90. My parents, and us three went to for few days to visit London and to attend the birthday party. We were busy all the time visiting places in London and visiting friends who live there. While there I kept hearing my husband telling others that after we leave London, he and our son will not go back to the US like the rest of us, they, instead will go to the Netherlands to visit one of my husband’s cousins. He would never include me in any of the conversations and if I look at him, he’ll just end the conversation with whoever he was talking. I had no idea before we left our home that my husband and our son were not coming back with me. I asked my son while we were there if what I am hearing is true and he said yes, dad wants to go visit his cousin in the Netherlands and want to take me with him for a week after we leave London. On the last day of our trip, our friends invited us to dinner and the conversation was fine until someone asked my husband about going to the Netherlands. He said that he is going and our son, and my friend then asked me if I was going, I said no, I was not invited. She looked at him puzzled and said “why aren’t you taking your wife with you?” he told be “because she has work and has to be back for that” I was very uncomfortable with that lie. He comes up with these lies and carries them in his head until he actually believes them and then they become realities. I was never told about going to the Netherlands, I was not invited he wanted to have a reason in his head for why he did not tell me or invite me to go with him, and that made the most sense. He does no want me around when he tells people these lies because I am the only one who knows its a lie. That is why he exclude me from conversations with anyone. He is always worried about what has he told this person and is my wife going to reveal the lies I’ve told them?

Overtime, He never wanted me around at all. He would make friends, lies to them and after a while they realize he’s lying to them and he would stop being friends with them. subsequently, he’ll meet new set of friends and repeat the same thing, lie, gets uncomfortable, they realize he’s lying, and eventually stop that friendship. That’s the life of a habitual liar.

Few years ago during the summer, we went to England to because my dad’s childhood friend was turning 90. My parents, and us three went to for few days to visit London and to attend the birthday party. We were busy all the time visiting places in London and visiting friends who live there. While there I kept hearing my husband telling others that after we leave London, he and our son will not go back to the US like the rest of us, they, instead will go to the Netherlands to visit one of my husband’s cousins. He would never include me in any of the conversations and if I look at him, he’ll just end the conversation with whoever he was talking. I had no idea before we left our home that my husband and our son were not coming back with me. I asked my son while we were there if what I am hearing is true and he said yes, dad wants to go visit his cousin in the Netherlands and want to take me with him for a week after we leave London. On the last day of our trip, our friends invited us to dinner and the conversation was fine until someone asked my husband about going to the Netherlands. He said that he is going and our son, and my friend then asked me if I was going, I said no, I was not invited. She looked at him puzzled and said “why aren’t you taking your wife with you?” he told be “because she has work and has to be back for that” I was very uncomfortable with that lie. He comes up with these lies and carries them in his head until he actually believes them and then they become realities. I was never told about going to the Netherlands, I was not invited he wanted to have a reason in his head for why he did not tell me or invite me to go with him, and that made the most sense. He does no want me around when he tells people these lies because I am the only one who knows its a lie. That is why he exclude me from conversations with anyone. He is always worried about what has he told this person and is my wife going to reveal the lies I’ve told them?

Overtime, He never wanted me around at all. He would make friends, lies to them and after a while they realize he’s lying to them and he would stop being friends with them. subsequently, he’ll meet new set of friends and repeat the same thing, lie, gets uncomfortable, they realize he’s lying, and eventually stop that friendship. That the life of a habitual liar.

A few years ago when our son was a high school senior, few families and their seniors including us went on a week long cruise. We all had a great time. When we came back friends kept asking me why I did not go with my husband and our son on the cruise trip. I was surprised to hear that especially when it kept being repeated from different sources. I was curious why so many people had the same impression until I found out that my husband had posted many pictures of the trip of him and our son. Never did he post any pictures of me, but more importantly, his narration of the pictures indicated only he and our son were on that trip. That has always been the way my husband had treated me, I don’t exist in his mind. For that particular trip, our son had asked us not to post any pictures of him and not to tag him if we did. At that time, he was a teenage boy who was embarrassed of anything we did and did not want us to post pictures of him. I respected his wishes and did not post any pictures of the whole cruise. I actually was the main photographer of the trip. I took my Nikon camera and took 1000’s of pictures but only shared them with the cruise travelers. I let the kids decide what to post and what not to post. They all decided not to post any of the cruise pictures on the social media their parents were involved with. After we came back, I developed a photo-book for each of the seniors and gave to them as a gift for their graduation. My husband, on the other hand, had been posting many many pictures and I was not part of any of those pictures and he made it look like from the story he was telling on Facebook that it was just him and his son who had gone on the trip. He would post things like “having fun with my son at such and such place” or “enjoying a drink with my son at such and such beach”, etc. so upon our return many friends asked why I didn’t go with my husband and our son the senior trip.

What my husband would typically do, however, is reflect his actions on others. basically he preempt the action and attack. This way he makes the whole action as “no you did it” to yet open another line of argument and fights that he loves to do and he knows he’ll be louder and carry out the fight longer which assures him a win. He never cared about doing anything wright by others, never wanted to fix our marriage. All he wanted to do is fight at any price and win the fight. for months after that cruise trip I kept hearing my husband talk when we are with others, when I cannot correct him, and say things like “I, referring to himself, am never included in any family pictures”, or ” I, also referring to himself, get cropped out of family pictures all the time. That usually shocked me to hear since he was the one who excluded me from all family pictures. I also had to keep my mouth shot because if I ever do whether we’re alone or with others, I was going to hear the screams and yelling that would only drive me to tears, and it was not going to solve anything anyway. I did not want our son to grow up in house full of loud screams all the time. The end results would only make matter worse so I stayed quiet. I let him lie to himself and lie to others. I let him believe these lies and reflect his actions on me all the time. I stayed away emotionally from him because I could not stay close without being hurt. He basically brainwashed himself and made new friends he did not want me to be a part of so he can lie with no fear of being found. He can lie freely and let people thing I am an evil wife even though every action from proves otherwise.

Last summer my husband had to do a a heart catheterization procedure. He asked our son to take him to the hospital to do that procedure and then bring him back home. Before that day, my husband kept telling our son that the doctor suspects that there are possibly two stents. This news worried us. Normal procedures for the stents are if there are no stent inserted, the patient would be discharged as soon as the catheterization is completed. The patient would remain in the hospital for observations if there was an actual stent used during the catheterization procedure. My husband required no additional stay at the hospital so initial indications shows all is well. When my son went and picked him up and took him home, my son asked him so what did they do and my husband said that they inserted two stents which did not really add up. My son brought him home he laid down to rest from such an invasive procedure. The following day, after my always-lying-cannot-ever-tell-the-truth husband realized that this truth will come out, he then told our son the Dr called and told him they made a mistake, they did not insert any stent and that he is fine and was given a clean Bill of health. He was fine really, but saying that would cost him the sympathy attention that he believes it means love. That is the only kind of love he ever got growing up in a very dysfunctional family. He wanted people to feel sorry for him, to call and check on him which would’ve meant he is loved. Being loved for who he is, is not possible. He wanted to have blockage in his arteries so bad just to convince himself that he is loved.

Friends that he had befriended recently that he he did have that in his and nobody came to see him in the hospital he had two blockages in the day the doctor operated on him and nobody paid attention to him his son just dropped them off and went to pick them up like he was thrown away there was no nobody would take care of him and and his sister as well as these friends are crying that there that that that my husband has been treated so badly that nobody takes care of him nobody cares for him and he had two blockages and he had the catheterization to stands and we have not done nothing to take care of him when in fact it’s all lies it’s that’s how he is he menu for a manufactures these lies in his head he believes him and then he shares them with others and and have others believe him to

A few years ago when my son was in senior in high school they were seven families with their seven boys that went including us went on a cruise and it was a one week cruise and we all went we had the greatest time and when we came back I kept hearing from people that I know oh why didn’t you go with them why didn’t you go with them I was surprised to see to hear that from multiple sources only to find out that all the pictures that my husband had posted my son did not post any pictures on Facebook he was posting things between them on shared the snap chats or stuff like that between the kids and I didn’t post anything because my son had told me long time ago not to post things of him and just you know stay away from his life basically as far as pictures go

So my husband had been posting many many pictures but I was not part of any of those pictures and he made it look like from the story he was telling on Facebook that it was just him and his son so when I came back there a lot of people who are like why didn’t you go with them on the senior trip and I was I was shocked to hear that because I was I was just eliminated from the pictures but then every time I we we are out we are taking pictures of whatever gathering we have my house I hear my husband talk about how he gets eliminated from pictures he he is illuminated you know that he’s part of a group and he is in the picture but then when the pictures are posted he’s not part of the pictures when fuck this is what he does this since he reflects what he does on that other people are doing on him

About five years ago summer time we went to England to because my dad’s sub friend was turning 90 and we went to the birthday party and we all went there and I kept while we were there visiting with our friends and doing things I kept hearing people are talking with my husband and he would say to them #MIN and our son are going to the Netherlands when we leave here and I kept quiet because I didn’t hear anything about it before I did not know there was such plans and I’m so what time we were all sitting at a dinner when somebody ask him and he said yeah me and our son are going to the Netherlands in and they turned to me and said are you not going and I said no and I hear mice my husband right away saying

At the end of the trip when my parents were returning back to the United States I got on the plane and turned around and went back with them where is my husband and my son went to the Neverland on an extended vacation that I was not included in part of or a part of

What is the biggest problem that I have worked in on is what he says whenever we have an argument. He insists that we should not be discussing anything that he had done in the past. He always says that from this point on I should just look in the future, not in the past. What he doesn’t understand is that this theory does not work and this sort of an engine that we started riding 30 years ago is broken and he still refuses to see what broke it or even tried to work on fixing it. He simply does not acknowledge he’s done anything wrong and therefore, in his mind, there is nothing to work on or fix. How can I keep going knowing that all I judge him on is his past dealings and all he says, is that he’s going to look in the future and don’t want to pay attention to the past. How could it be possible to look in the future when while 30 years of repeated behavior has brought us to the point of brink? I used to think he is so dumb for believing this, but now I think he’s been the genius, and I’ve been the dumb one who’s fallen for his hoax all these years.

For the last 30 years he’s yelled at me, screamed at me, controlled me, took away everything from me, talk badly about me, went to his family in and said awful things about me, created friends at isolated me, and I know deep in my heart that he truly hates me. All this and when I finally filed for divorce he is saying that I should not look at the past, instead, we should at the future.

My husband is the master of deny deny deny everything all the time. For the last 30 years, every time I have confronted him anything that he did or said. All he does is denies it even when I present proofs, he just shrugs things off. Now I realize when he denies everything, it is not to convince me, instead, his brain does not allow him to understand that he had done something wrong. If he thinks he cannot do wrong, then there is no need to fix anything. My wife is crazy and I am the poor lad who married her, now I am stuck with this crazy lady, C’mon world, feel sorry for me.

I am where I am right now and the reason I am I’m divorcing him is because all the wrongs that he does are not comprehended by his tiny brain. Because he denies everything, he doesn’t see that he had done anything wrong and then he’ll want me to be specific in the solution. For example, he would say so if I opened the door for you, does that fix things? In the past, I’ve been no dumb about this and have said yes which he’ll do whatever I agreed to for a very short period of time, and then go back to his old ways.  He will then go back to doing the same thing over and over and over again because in his mind he just does it to defuse the problem and had nothing to do with starting it anyway. I am the crazy one and therefore he goes back to being himself to hurt, hurt and hurt me more.

He cannot see his effect on me or basically, he just does not care.

Every time we went on any kind of trips together, my husband, always created something out of nothing and then made that trip miserable for me he would scream and yell at me for no reason at. He would just push and push and push until I break down and don’t know what to do and how to get out of it so it got to a point where I never wanted to go on any trips with him because I felt like there is no reason for us to be together anywhere. Any chance he gets to make my life miserable he did.

We went to New Orleans o see a friend of mine while our son was still a baby. We went to the hotel room and out of nothing and started pushing and pushing and started yelling at me and screaming and making me feel so awful and demeaned me and cussing me out too. I knew if I stay in the room with him, I couldn’t handle it so I left. I just wanted to get out just to go walk for a few minutes.

Apparently he had been loud enough to where the people in the next room heard him. When I got out and went to the elevator, the guy from that room followed me and got in the elevator with me and told me no one should be treated that way. He said that was awful what he heard and I should not allow anyone to talk to me like that. I was stiff, stared at the door, and was forcing myself not to cry. I didn’t know what to say.

Stayed silent until we got out of the elevator and just started walking and crying.

My husband doesn’t care to demean me whether it there people there or not, when he wants to show his anger toward me, which is always, he did no matter who notices his childish behavior. Early in our marriage, I realized that when he yelled and I cried, he got angrier and yelled louder and insulted more.

Nothing I could do could make this man hate me less.  The more frustrated I felt, or more I cried, the happier he got. That put him in his strong and happy zone. Once he starts to yell, he wins so he started with the yelling and he always won.

I retreated and gave in all the time. I got more and more depressed and retreated from being with him and people. I only socialized when I had to.

There was this one time about three or four years into our marriage when I’ve been hearing a lot about how he and his family are the best in organizing, the best in styling, the best in designs and I also had always heard about how they use the same kind of hangers they always talk about. They used to say how that all of the hangers in their closets are the same color and style.

So one day, again in an effort to please him, I was out grocery shopping because we were having company and I ended up in a store, saw some beautiful hangers at a very huge discount. I thought that’s not a bad thing to get and organize my closet later so I went home and I was happy to show him all these hangers that I got and thought that this is the thing that’s going to make him happy that I’m following his lead. As soon as he saw them he started yelling at me and it didn’t matter what I said he kept yelling and putting me down and wanted me to go right away to return them.

I will never forget the black hole I felt I was in. I’m circling around and trying to tell him that all I wanted to do was to please him but his insults would not stop.

He diminished me, he made me cry so hard that I my whole face was puffy when people finally arrived they all asked me what happened. I had to lie to them and tell them that I had some sort of allergies or something that made my eyes look like that but it was because I spent $10 buying clothes hangers. Still today when I think about those hangers and say to myself this man just wanted to find anything, hangers or not, he was going to find something so he can demean me. He wanted to hurt me, he wanted to put me down