A few years ago when our son was a high school senior, few families and their seniors including us went on a week long cruise. We all had a great time. When we came back friends kept asking me why I did not go with my husband and our son on the cruise trip. I was surprised to hear that especially when it kept being repeated from different sources. I was curious why so many people had the same impression until I found out that my husband had posted many pictures of the trip of him and our son. Never did he post any pictures of me, but more importantly, his narration of the pictures indicated only he and our son were on that trip. That has always been the way my husband had treated me, I don’t exist in his mind. For that particular trip, our son had asked us not to post any pictures of him and not to tag him if we did. At that time, he was a teenage boy who was embarrassed of anything we did and did not want us to post pictures of him. I respected his wishes and did not post any pictures of the whole cruise. I actually was the main photographer of the trip. I took my Nikon camera and took 1000’s of pictures but only shared them with the cruise travelers. I let the kids decide what to post and what not to post. They all decided not to post any of the cruise pictures on the social media their parents were involved with. After we came back, I developed a photo-book for each of the seniors and gave to them as a gift for their graduation. My husband, on the other hand, had been posting many many pictures and I was not part of any of those pictures and he made it look like from the story he was telling on Facebook that it was just him and his son who had gone on the trip. He would post things like “having fun with my son at such and such place” or “enjoying a drink with my son at such and such beach”, etc. so upon our return many friends asked why I didn’t go with my husband and our son the senior trip.
What my husband would typically do, however, is reflect his actions on others. basically he preempt the action and attack. This way he makes the whole action as “no you did it” to yet open another line of argument and fights that he loves to do and he knows he’ll be louder and carry out the fight longer which assures him a win. He never cared about doing anything wright by others, never wanted to fix our marriage. All he wanted to do is fight at any price and win the fight. for months after that cruise trip I kept hearing my husband talk when we are with others, when I cannot correct him, and say things like “I, referring to himself, am never included in any family pictures”, or ” I, also referring to himself, get cropped out of family pictures all the time. That usually shocked me to hear since he was the one who excluded me from all family pictures. I also had to keep my mouth shot because if I ever do whether we’re alone or with others, I was going to hear the screams and yelling that would only drive me to tears, and it was not going to solve anything anyway. I did not want our son to grow up in house full of loud screams all the time. The end results would only make matter worse so I stayed quiet. I let him lie to himself and lie to others. I let him believe these lies and reflect his actions on me all the time. I stayed away emotionally from him because I could not stay close without being hurt. He basically brainwashed himself and made new friends he did not want me to be a part of so he can lie with no fear of being found. He can lie freely and let people thing I am an evil wife even though every action from proves otherwise.