My son and a visiting out of town friend called to ask if I was available to have dinner with them at a local Mexican restaurant.  I was happy that he included me and actually much happier that when I got there my husband was there too.  I always want me son and his dad to have a good friendly relationship. It does not matter how close my son and I are, it makes huge difference when he and his dad’s relationship is friendly. The problem that I’ve had to deal with, has always been, is that my husband is a JERK in every meaning of the word. He is hurtful, mean, and hates me, but he is a plain ol’ jerk to his son.  He cannot have a simple friendly relationship with his own son whom he loves very much.  He cannot have a simple friendly conversation with him without ending up in an argument. He cannot go to his room to watch whatever my son is watching on TV (normally a comedy show) without changing the channel and end up in an argument. Like I said, he is a PLAIN Ol’ JERK!

So we start dinner and we’re all having fun eating and we each drank a large frozen margarita which made us (mostly me) a bit tipsy. I don’t remember if anyone else had more drinks but that was plenty for me and I was joking with them pretending to walk sideways when we left but the bottom line we all had fun. When we left, I went back to the office to finish a project I needed to submit to the client by the end of the day Friday and was late. I was determined to complete and send over the weekend.  My husband drove everyone home and the kids were planning to go to a bar afterwards.

When I got home, which was after 11 PM, I did not see my husband’s car and thought he was dropping them off at a downtown bar and they were going to uber back home.  I heard my husband coming home around midnight and I went to sleep. at around 1 am, I texted my son to let me know his whereabouts and did not get a reply.  Again, around 3 am, I texted my son to let me know where he is but heard nothing back. Around 4 am, I got up and went downstairs to check if my son and his friend had come home and I have not heard them come in and saw that they were sound asleep. She in the extra bedroom, and he on the couch in the basement. I went back up to sleep and left early the following day to go to church. Later when I talked to me son and was telling him that I was worried about them and kept texting him but did not hear back he told me that he and his friend did not go anywhere. He said when they came home they were both tired so they just sat downstairs and then went to sleep early.  he also told me that his dad dropped them off and went out but did not say where he was going.

My husband used to go out and say he’s going to run errands, or shopping, etc. and then come back hours later with hardly anything bought and I knew he wasn’t going to where he said he was going but stayed silent not to diminish his image in front of his son. Now, he is flaunting these acts in front of his son. My son is the one who is telling me that his dad is acting like a teen and does not want to grow up.  My husband had the nerve to drop off his son and his friend at home and went out at night and came back midnight with no explanation where he went or who he was with.

If I file for divorce today, the only issues the judge would look for to settle are financial issues. None of the pain is accounted for. Society today makes it your responsibility to hurt the people around you in order to “Save Yourself”. This is the Modern Day “Gunsmoke”  Lifestyle that we are forced into. Someone has to draw their gun first to win. In today’s world getting married and having a family and deal with the ups and downs of life, is pure luck just like a coin toss. If you end up with a good partner, you got head. If not, you got tail. But no matter what you get,  and how much pain was inflicted on you, all you get out with at the end, is financial settlements!

There are so many people out there calling to empower the weak and disadvantaged, yet no one wants to take this issue to fix this part of the system which would free so many people like me who take the pain and stay silent.

The amount of pain inside me can fill the world. I hold it inside for fear if it spills out of me, it will hurt all around me whom I love.  If I open up to friends about my life, the first thing out of their mouth would be to leave my brutal husband.  Even if this is not hard to do as “Getting a divorce” on it sown, the ramification for all who are effected by it would be very difficult.  My son had nothing to do with me choosing a jerk as his dad, but he will live all his life effected by a broken home. Every girl he meets will question his commitment to marriage because his parents did not stay together.  He will suffer by me getting out of the hell I live in.  In other words, I relief my self from being hurt, and I then hurt my son for the rest of his life.

What about the rest of my family, how are my parents who’ve been married for 68 years and very old going to handle their daughter getting a divorce.  All around me say that I married a horrible guy and everyone would stand with me to help me, but after the divorce is done, and reality syncs in, how much hurt are they going to live with? and how much guilt am I going to endure?

Why is it that we live in a reactionary times? why can’t people fix the problem instead of running away from it? the pain and suffering from these issues in our world today is growing in so many ways and no matter where we run, its catching up to all of us and began to consume us. Why can’t we fix the issue from its roots and raise people who are not hurtful, cheats, bullies, and mean?

He never takes me out to do anything just the two of us, but he always wants to go to anything I go to. My family has invited him to everything under the sun. They are very active socially and we always get invited to social or art events. When we go, I’m always introducing him to everyone and including him in all my conversations. He never does that. Few years ago, I asked my son to join me to attend a political event for a local representative. My son wanted to ask this representative to sponsor him to attend a military school. When I opened the subject in front of my husband, he jumped in and said “I want to go, I want to ask him for something related to my property”. My son immediately backed out because he knew it costs $500 to attend per person or couple. When 2 of us attend it cost $500 and if we add additional person, it will cost another $500. I could not tell my husband not to attend. After all, he wants to attend to get help for his business, and knowing how childish he is, I knew he’ll make my life hell if he didn’t. We went together, I reached out to the representative regarding my son, but my husband just stood there next to me. He did not say anything, nothing to the representative about his property, not even to reinforce my request to get help for our son. Few minutes later, we while were standing, he saw someone he knew, he just left me standing, walked few steps to that guy, and started a conversation with that guy for a while. He never introduced me to the guy or bothered to even tell me who that guy was when he came back. I asked him and he just said “just a friend”.

There has been many incidents like this over the years and I’ve always done what I think  a wife should do, but he’s never acted like my husband at all.

For the last few months, he’s been spending a lot of time out, coming home very late, and he’s been hanging around New people. One of the new “interests” my husband has been involved in, is the Opera. As always, I never get invited to any event he goes to, but tonight the invitation to the Opera dinner came from my parents. We went to a very nice, lavish dinner party at a very nice hotel. While there, many people would either stop to say hello to everyone, or they’ll go directly to my husband to give him a warm hello. One lady, who seems to be a very active lady with the opera, came to our table, gave my husband a hug and then turned to intoduce herself to me and said, “it’s so nice to meet you, why haven’t you come to any of the other events we’ve invited you to?”. In the past, I used to come up with an answer that would not hurt my husband’s feelings. I would say something like “I’ve really been working very late” or “things have just not worked out”. Today, however, I answered truthfully, “I was never invited”! She looked at my husband and he replied with the appropriate amount of charm and humor,  “do you believe that?” She smiled and moved on.

This is the man I am married to, a bad Evil man.

I saw this list yesterday and thought if these signs were to connect, a picture of my husband would appear:

Sign 1. Evil Would Twist the Truth

Sign 2. Evil Withholds Important Information

Sign 3. Evil Would lie All The Time

Sign 4. Evil Denies Reality – Lives in his or her own Reality

Sign 5. Evil Misleads Everyone

Sign 6. Evil Shows No Remorse

Sign 7. Avoids Responsibilities

Sign 8. Evil Manipulates

Sign 9. Evil Has Ulterior Motives

Sign 10. Evil Steals your Time

Sign 11. Evil Leads Multiple Lives

Sign 12. Evil is a control Freak

This is who I live with and No I have not left him. Its not because I like being abused or love this life that I am in, its because the people I will end up hurting in the process.

 

After 8 years of trying to get pregnant, 5 years of intense trying. Going to the dr in the morning for ultrasound, and purchase the very expensive Medicine. Then wait by the phone by 3 pm to get the call of how many ampules of medicine to take by injection. Take the injection and go back to the dr in the morning to repeat the cycle. At a certain point of the monthly cycle, the dr direct us to take the ovulation injection and within 48 hours I should ovulate. We tried for few months to just do things the natural way, then we did three months of artificial insemination but nothing worked. Later the dr found out that I had endometriosis and performed laparoscopy on me and we continued with the medication, ultrasound, injection process for few months before we were told to take a six months break then come back to to the in vitro process. During those six months we decided to move to where the rest of my family lived. each of My 2 brothers had 3 kids and we can at least enjoy them before we either do the in-vitro or adopt. Within those 6 months and the very hard prayers everyone I knew did for me, we got pregnant. It was the most joyful and scary times of my life. I was so happy but very worried at the same time. We had not yet sold our house in Atlanta and we’re living in my parents basement. My husband stayed behind, kept his work in Atlanta until we sell the house. After I found out I was pregnant, he asked me to go one weekend to Atlanta to help him pack so I did. I don’t remember what happened before dinner but I do remember him picking a fight for no reason at all which was his normal ways of picking fights with me. All I remember is I was very tired and sitting in the living room crying. He came in, saw me crying, and that got him even angrier and began yelling at me and putting me down, saying things like how his life is so much worse now that he’s married to me, then he went up to our bedroom and locked me out all night long. I tried to go in, knocked on the door, he did not answer. I went back down and slept on the coach in the living room. The next day, I went up to the room, after he’d got up, changed, and cane down still ignoring me, I took a shower, changed and left. I cried while driving by myself for the next 3 hours until I got home. During those days, my life was so scrambled, I had no idea how to deal with these events. I’ve never encountered an abusive person like that in my life, have not heard about people like that, and I did not know how to react to these events when they occurred. My husband is a bully who does not know at any given time to deal with anyone, anyone at all, without the bully mentality. Everyone he deals with either he bullies, or he gives full authority to bully him. People don’t know that about him, I sure didn’t, so they think he’s a very nice and accommodating person. What they don’t know is, once he gets what he wants from them, he’ll either go away and never see them again, or becomes mean and nasty to them. He doesn’t know how to be on an equal status with anyone.