My son and a visiting out of town friend called to ask if I was available to have dinner with them at a local Mexican restaurant. I was happy that he included me and actually much happier that when I got there my husband was there too. I always want me son and his dad to have a good friendly relationship. It does not matter how close my son and I are, it makes huge difference when he and his dad’s relationship is friendly. The problem that I’ve had to deal with, has always been, is that my husband is a JERK in every meaning of the word. He is hurtful, mean, and hates me, but he is a plain ol’ jerk to his son. He cannot have a simple friendly relationship with his own son whom he loves very much. He cannot have a simple friendly conversation with him without ending up in an argument. He cannot go to his room to watch whatever my son is watching on TV (normally a comedy show) without changing the channel and end up in an argument. Like I said, he is a PLAIN Ol’ JERK!
So we start dinner and we’re all having fun eating and we each drank a large frozen margarita which made us (mostly me) a bit tipsy. I don’t remember if anyone else had more drinks but that was plenty for me and I was joking with them pretending to walk sideways when we left but the bottom line we all had fun. When we left, I went back to the office to finish a project I needed to submit to the client by the end of the day Friday and was late. I was determined to complete and send over the weekend. My husband drove everyone home and the kids were planning to go to a bar afterwards.
When I got home, which was after 11 PM, I did not see my husband’s car and thought he was dropping them off at a downtown bar and they were going to uber back home. I heard my husband coming home around midnight and I went to sleep. at around 1 am, I texted my son to let me know his whereabouts and did not get a reply. Again, around 3 am, I texted my son to let me know where he is but heard nothing back. Around 4 am, I got up and went downstairs to check if my son and his friend had come home and I have not heard them come in and saw that they were sound asleep. She in the extra bedroom, and he on the couch in the basement. I went back up to sleep and left early the following day to go to church. Later when I talked to me son and was telling him that I was worried about them and kept texting him but did not hear back he told me that he and his friend did not go anywhere. He said when they came home they were both tired so they just sat downstairs and then went to sleep early. he also told me that his dad dropped them off and went out but did not say where he was going.
My husband used to go out and say he’s going to run errands, or shopping, etc. and then come back hours later with hardly anything bought and I knew he wasn’t going to where he said he was going but stayed silent not to diminish his image in front of his son. Now, he is flaunting these acts in front of his son. My son is the one who is telling me that his dad is acting like a teen and does not want to grow up. My husband had the nerve to drop off his son and his friend at home and went out at night and came back midnight with no explanation where he went or who he was with.
If I file for divorce today, the only issues the judge would look for to settle are financial issues. None of the pain is accounted for. Society today makes it your responsibility to hurt the people around you in order to “Save Yourself”. This is the Modern Day “Gunsmoke” Lifestyle that we are forced into. Someone has to draw their gun first to win. In today’s world getting married and having a family and deal with the ups and downs of life, is pure luck just like a coin toss. If you end up with a good partner, you got head. If not, you got tail. But no matter what you get, and how much pain was inflicted on you, all you get out with at the end, is financial settlements!
There are so many people out there calling to empower the weak and disadvantaged, yet no one wants to take this issue to fix this part of the system which would free so many people like me who take the pain and stay silent.