We bought our current home almost 26 years ago. When we first bought it, we didn’t have much equity in it so we financed for 15 years variable mortgage loan because interest rates were considered high at that time. Few years later, we refinanced fixed low interest for 15 years. We were very happy to do so and my husband told me at that time that by the time our son graduates from high school, we’ll have out house all paid for and we’ll own the house completely. We can peace of mind knowing that we don’t owe anything on the house.
Over the years, my husband has been in charge of our finances and we have been doing better and better with work and businesses. Our jobs have gotten better, we bought and sold businesses always with profits, and we had a boost in our salaries after we went to Iraq in 2004 and 2005. All this time, I’m expecting that we would have our house paid for by the time our son finishes high school.
During our son’s junior year in high school, we thought to sell our house since the value had increased and we were thinking about moving closer to town. We called a realtor who lived in our neighborhood to talk to him about listing the house with him, and during some of the questions that realtor was asking us, I found out that we owed on the house more than what we had originally paid for it. We paid $350,000 for the house but 15 years later, we owed $400,000 on it. I was very upset but knew if I mention anything to my husband, I will first, get the rage, the yelling and screaming, and second, will not resolve any of the issues I was to discuss, and third, he will somehow find a way to make it my fault. I didn’t say anything to him but I was very upset.
The next day, my husband came to my room in the morning and told me that he wanted to remodel the kitchen and wanted me to sign on a loan application to borrow more money against the house to remodel the kitchen. I said no.
I told him, while shaking in my own skin, that he had promised the house would be paid for by next year and the fact that we owe more on the house now than when we first bough it, makes me thing he is not being a good financial manager for our family and I will not allow him to borrow any more money against the house. I was very afraid of his reaction but at that moment, I had made up my mind that I wasn’t going to let him do this.
I had suspected before that incident, that my husband was planning on getting rid of me. Maybe divorce me or just get our finances separated completely. What he wanted to do was everything that we owned together, he drained it with debt, everything that he owned alone, was debt free. He was planning to one day, to either divorce me and give me all the debts, or separate our finances completely and I would still have to pay for half if not all the debt. When I told him I’m not allowing him to borrow anymore against the house, I took my first step to stop him from doing this to me.