Since my husband works in the information management / computer science field, and he wants to know everything, he always ask to be friends with all my FB friends. When he and I first started our own FB accounts, he requested to be my friend, but I never confirmed the request. I don’t remember at that time the reason, either I was feeling down for a mistreatment from him which was often the case, or that I was new to the FB world and did not want to show all my family’s connections. I still do not have any family members listed as such on my account. I do have them listed as friends, but not as family members. Since my husband was much more savvy in the digital world, I knew he would change that and I would not have control over my account. Even with us not being FB friends, he was befriending all my FB friends. The ones who do not know him, feel embarrassed not to accept his requests, so they do thinking he is my husband and they are obligated. He did this to spy on me and keep taps on what I post.
In person, however, he wouldn’t mind being rude to me in front of my friends, and be cold to them. I opened my business as a one man (woman) show for many years. Once I saw an opportunity to expand the business, I hired few business development employees. I befriended these ladies/ employees on FB and had no idea that my husband had asked them to be their friends very soon after they became my friends and just like all others, they accepted. These employees do not know my husband except for when conversations about families and spouses happen. I have told them how smart my husband is especially when it comes to world and American history, and world religions and their histories.
One day, one of my employees and I were driving out of town after work to spend the night and attend a business meeting the next day. A couple of hours into our journey, her high school age daughter called her full of anguish about an assay she needed to write about Islam. My friend was very worried that her daughter would not get a good grade because she does not know much about the religion of Islam nor does she know where to find the appropriate information for this assignment. I, being proud of my husband’s knowledge of the subject, told my friend not to worry, we can call my husband and get all the information she needed. She had a set of questions to ask and then she can write the paper in accordance with the answers she would get from my husband. I was hoping to show him off, and contrary to his many previous behaviors, I thought he would do the right thing this time.
I placed the call on the card Bluetooth and he answered, I very quickly told him that I was with my friend so he’d be nice. I then asked him if he can help her with the list of questions. My friend jumped in and started the small talk with him thinking since they were now friends on FB, they are friends in real life. He was quiet for few seconds. She thought we lost connection, and called out his name. He said “yeah”. She then asked him again how he’s doing, he waited few seconds and said “Good”. It was very awkward for both of us, so I just jumped in and asked if she can list the questions and hope he could answer. She went through the questions and he was easily answered them all very well and answered all the side questions she had for him. Throughout the whole time, he was very dry and not friendly at all. When she finished, she thanked him and was very appreciative, but he kept his dry and almost standoffish way of communicating with me and her.
After we finished the conversation, she asked if we’ve been fighting or he’s had a bad day. I brushed it off and told her sometimes he does come across that way on the phone but he really isn’t that way in person. I made a mental note for myself to do whatever it takes in power not to introduce her to him in person while I was saying that.