In the Begining, and Still…

I married my husband because I really loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I wanted to grow old with him. Now looking back at it he never cared about that at all. He had his own agenda and his agenda was to better himself and to keep everything for himself and keep me out of it.

Since we got married I realize that he has a lot of problems and I never encountered someone with those kind of problems before and I didn’t know how to deal with him he yelled and screamed a lot and just did a lot of things that I’ve never had encountered before him.

I was naïve and unprepared for his personality didn’t know what to do with the way he acted and treated me so I just gave in. I was always trying to find solutions and please him so when he, for example, wanted me to do something, my eagerness to please him was my guide so I did whatever he asked but he always criticized the way I did it. We always ended up in a fight. I don’t know whether he planned this or not but he got used to getting his way and it was a detriment to me because I couldn’t I could not be myself. I kept getting deeper and deeper into depression. I didn’t know how to pretend in front of people that everything was OK but privately, it was horrible, there was nothing OK about it.

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