Our son went to a private school for his elementary school years. The school was very small and the headmaster used to go out in the drop off lane to greet the kids and open doors for them as they go to school every morning. My husband, who controlled our finances, almost always missed paying for school. What that did, is most mornings when the headmaster opened the door for my son and the other kids we carpooled with, to let my son out of the car, then he would peek his head in the car to say that we have forgotten our payment for that month. I usually would apologize to the headmaster and then call my husband to let him know that we have not payed for school that month. The usual response from my husband was a variation of this ” I Know, I know, I’m overwhelmed, I cannot keep up, I’m drowning, I don’t have the money, do you have money to give me?” This always followed by me trying to find out if he going to pay the money and that’s where the conversation goes out of hand. He’ll blow up and starts to yell at me. By the end of that interaction, I don’t know if he’s going to pay or not, I’m afraid to ask, and I’m embarrassed of what I’ll hear from the headmaster the following day.

My husband would not add his name as a contact person for our son’s school because he was always out of town and he worked sometimes in secure areas where he could not receive calls.

This happened repeatedly during the five years my son attended that school. When he went to middle school, we moved his to another private school that was bigger and the school was older than the first one he attended. When my husband did not pay, the school administrator would call me to let me know that we are delinquent and need to pay. The same conversation and the same outcome took place few times, that was until I was not going to take it anymore. The fifth or sixth time we were late in paying our son’s tuition, I brought my son home and started looking what public school we are zoned for, told my son he’ll be going there in the morning because we cannot pay his school’s bill. He called my husband and told him that I was sending him to the local public school, which is a fine school, my husband, being the bully that he is and does not react to anything other than threats, paid that month’s bill and the rest of the bills until our son graduated from high school.

We had the money, and we always did, to pay for the school. He foolishly commits the money and then decides not to part with it. That’s why he never wanted me to have any control over the money. I never wanted to do what I did to actually give him an ultimatum, I did it because I truly was upset and did not want to deal with this monthly calls from the school letting me know we have not paid our bills. I ultimately got what I wanted because he cannot deal with anyone who is not a bully like him. The way I deal with people, especially, my husband, is openly, honestly, and sincerely. I don’t tell him I don’t have money when I do. He is my husband, we’re supposed to be one after all.

Because we each had different way to communicate, he always got what he wanted, and I did not.