4-7-08 The “Talk”

Yesterday was the day our son had us both talking. My Husband Promised he’d listen and allow me to talk so I tested him. Every time prior to yesterday I try to say anything, he would interrupt and start yelling. It’s been 19 years of this. Actually, a Lot less because since I had my son, I’ve stayed away from saying much to him. He still found excuses to yell, scream. & insult me in every situate he can, but I stay away from the raging volcano called my Husband. Because our son is young, he’ll find things I do wrong with him to use as excuses to erupt, or if I write a check like the issue of last month, etc. It doesn’t matter the reason he just cannot stand me.

When we sat to talk, I started with telling him that he dominates my life and suppresses any effort from me to tell him how I feel. I told man the things I remembered from the time in N.J, when I had to work at a department store after I came home from work to help with finances according to his nags and complaints. this took place just a month after we were married and my

dad had just giving us a large sum of money as a gift at our wedding. I have always listened to his needs and requests and tried to do what I can to accommodate him. I’ve considered his requests as my demands and go to bat to fulfill them all. In return, he’s done nothing to accommodate me. All he’s done is heard himself talk and he’s lived in his own world. He won’t let me say my peace so there is no other side according to him. All this time I’ve been able to take it for our son’s sake and I’ve been thinking I can keep on going like this taking this horrible life for my son’s sake. But when he blew up last month a day after his mom Left because I wrote checks to fix my car and to the dentist, checks that I did tell him about, I feel it is not possible for me to keep taking it like this.

While I was talking, I felt he was half way listening. I told him he just wants to do what feels good to him regardless of who he hurts. One example I gave him, was sleeping in our son’s room just because he’s mad at me he should not just use our son as a roommate. I told him since our son was little “you’ve been telling him he needs to be a big boy and sleep by himself. Now that he actually wants to be alone in his room, you go sleep in his room because it serves your interest”. You want everyone else to do the right thing, but none of this applies to you. I told him “I emailed you, I’ve told talked to you about it and even on son, has told you he wants to sleep alone, but you leave me every night and go to his room. Do you have any idea how his friends would mock his if they knew his dad sleeps in his room? None of them will think or believe him if he says it’s not him who wants this, it’s his dad. You justify everything to yourself if you’ve doing it, but if I tell you a fiend of our son ‘s dad sleeps in his kid’s room you’ll have a field day with it. You’ll Laugh, make fun of the dad and the son to the point we could not be friends with them anymore”.

This talk was not all like this, it took a long time, I talked, I cried, I Left and walked the neighborhood, came back and continued talking, and talked

some more. I also told him how he makes it so difficult to say anything to him. Even if I agree with him he yells and screams He did tell me he’s going to do better and that he’s working on his anger (I don’t know what that means) and will do his best to be a better person and more considerate. I really don’t know how I reacted to his reply, I was too emotional that I got as much out of my heart as possible, I hope all these declarations will be realized and he will work of getting us to be a better family.

Today, I’m just very down, even though I think I got my point across in front of my son and got him to admit his faults, I’m just very down and have been crying all day. Now, at 7 pm, I feel better and hope this was just a residue of what I was carrying in my heart all this time and it is gone now.

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